


Lost in Love

by stopitanxiety



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Major character death - Freeform, Rejection, car crash, implied rape, logan is just not having a good time, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-12-14 02:06:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21007934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stopitanxiety/pseuds/stopitanxiety
Summary: This is the story of Logan— a man who opened himself up. Roman taught him to deal with and control his emotions, but more importantly, taught him how to love. And love Logan did. He loved Roman with all his heart.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the story of Logan— a man who opened himself up. Roman taught him to deal with and control his emotions, but more importantly, taught him how to love. And love Logan did. He loved Roman with all his heart.

“No.”

It was only a single word, but it brought Logan’s entire world crumbling to the ground. The teacher sat back on his heels, shaking and desperately hoping beyond reason for the “just kidding!” Or the “idiot. Of course.”

It never came.

Roman turned on his heel and marched off, kicking up the sand as he went. The prince didn’t look back at the now crying man he’d left, not even when Logan called his name, begging him to come back.

The logical side watched as Roman—his sun, his moon, his stars, the love of his life and soulmate— vanished into the night without so much as a wave goodbye.

Logan poured out his heart to the sea and the waves that night. Screams of heartbroken agony were cast off into the uncaring waters, and several curses were thrown onto the sparkling white sand.

The ocean cared not for the man, and taunted him with the current.

“Come to me,” it whispered. “Come to me and be rid of this pain.”

At first, Logan actually considered it. They’d never find his body, not until the ocean had torn him down to the bone. He’d be a nameless victim of the sea.

“No.”

The same word that had crushed his heart before, now gave him strength.

No, he would not die tonight.

He left the beach in tears, vowing to never give himself over to another person ever again.

Waves pounded the shoreline, the tide rising steadily. Before long, the water reached out and grabbed a prize, before dragging it back into the depths— a black velvet box, small and covered in sand. The sea took its treasure box greedily.

No one would ever see the ring inside.

No one would ever see the inscription on the precious metal.

_“You’re my Happily Ever After. —L”_


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Logan....

Logan met Remus four years after Roman left. It was unnerving how much the energetic man reminded him of his ex. They even looked like one another— so much so, that there had been many times Logan had accidentally called his new boyfriend Roman. Remus understood it wasn’t intentional and didn’t mean anything. It was simply a mistake, nothing more.

For six months, they were happy together.

But when Logan moved in with Remus, everything changed.

The previously oh so gentle caresses gained an edge. Hugs that once offered protection and comfort became too tight, too long, too much. Remus became aggressive and accusing, blaming all of his problems on Logan. The beauty had become a _beast_.

Two weeks after he moved in, Logan discovered his boyfriend would not take no as an answer.

The three hours he spent in the shower did nothing to rid him of the feeling of dirtiness, embarrassment, and guilt.

Remus was a _nightmare. _Adream gone terribly, terribly wrong. Logan was always disappointed when he woke up, because sleep was escape from the horror.

And then Remus gave Logan rules to follow. He never questioned them, because questions brought anger and anger brought beatings and beating made it harder to follow the rules. Besides, it was all to protect him, right?

_Always agree with Remus._

_Be in bed by seven._

_No arguing._

_Wake up at four and make breakfast._

_Never say no to Remus._

_Ask before leaving the apartment._

Logan knew he was lying to himself every day when he said he loved Remus. But to deny that he loved his boyfriend would be wrong. Roman had done the same thing, and Logan wouldn’t do that to anyone else. The pain of heartache was not going to be brought about by his own actions.

It would never be Logan’s choice to leave Remus, anyway. The only hope of escape was if Remus broke it off with Logan.

So he continued to live out his nightmare.

But even the perpetual terror he felt every day was preferable to the pain he felt upon opening the front door that night.

“I told you to be home at _seven_.”

Logan dropped his phone, not reacting when the screen shattered. Remus barked an order at the half naked man in their living room, but Logan didn’t seem to hear it.

“You’re _cheating_ on me?”

“You aren’t giving me the right type of… _satisfaction_ anymore.”

Remus shrugged, obviously indifferent to the tears streaming down Logan’s face.

“I’m moving out, then. We’re through.”

“Whatever. Blake is better in bed anyway.”

“You’re an ass.”

“Hurry up and leave, Logan. If you’re not gonna be forgiving, even after all I’ve done for you, then get out.”

Logan stuffed the few items he had (Remus had taken and sold most of his other belongings) into a backpack and after a second thought, stole a leather jacket from Remus’ closet. It was December in New York, after all.

Loud moans broke the tense quiet of the apartment, spurring Logan to move faster.

Five minutes later he was on the street with tears freezing to his cheeks, a heart breaking in two, and no where to go.

He was so cold.

The snow was the only audience to his pain. It quieted his sobs and muffled his sniffles.

Logan felt frozen, all the way to the bone.

Logan had escaped Remus and fell into a worse situation- heartbreak for one who never loved him. Anger at himself for believing in love again, only to have his heart shatter.

_He was so cold._


	3. Chapter 3

Patton had stolen his heart so quickly, that Logan didn’t even realize he was head over heels for the man until it was too late. The bubbly, happy, sweetheart of a man was perfect in every way.

Of course, Logan was hesitant at first, the fear of continuing his cycle of heartbreak still very present and very terrifying. It took four years for the teacher to lower his walls and finally let Patton in. Four years of trust built and love pushed back. So when the time came and Patton asked for Logan to be his, Logan cried.

They’d been together for a year and three months now, and it was the happiest year and three months of Logan’s life. Tonight was date night, and Patton had agreed to meet up at their favorite restaurant for dinner at exactly 6:30pm. Currently, it was 5:30 and both men were getting ready for the date, laughing and talking with one another over the phone.

“I can’t believe it’s already Thursday. That seems—“

Logan scrunched up his nose in preparation for the unquestionably horrible string of words he was about to hear.

“Near _impastable!”_

“Must you insult the English language this way?”

“Oh come on, Lo! That one was pretty good, admit it!”

The teacher rolled his eyes fondly, a smile stuck to his face. He always seemed to be smiling when he talked to Patton.

“You’re going to be the death of me, my dear.”

A giggle floated from the phone, followed by shuffling feet and the sound of a door closing.

“Okay, it’s six o’clock. I’m going to leave now! You know how they started that construction on East Wells?”

“Yeah. A new school, right?”

“I think so. Anyways, they blocked off part of the road so I have to take a detour to get to Nona’s.”

Logan was only half listening now, becoming distracted by a stubborn clump of hair that just refused to lay down flat.

“Be safe, Patton.”

“You too, Lo! See you in thirty!”

The line went dead, and Logan returned his full focus to his reflection. With a careful hand, he traced over his liquid eyeliner again until he reached his preferred thickness, flicking a little wing and stepping back to admire his work.

Logan took a long, hard look at himself in the mirror. So much had happened since that night at the beach. He’d loved and lost, laughed and cried. He’d finally found a man that loved him, despite all his flaws, his past, and did his best to help heal the wounds left on Logan’s heart. Patton was everything Logan needed and more.

The man in the mirror smiled. For the first time in years, Logan was ready to let himself go. To freely love Patton, without the fear of heartbreak looming over him.

Logan was ready.

So with an easy smile on his face and a heart full of joy in his chest, Logan drove to Nona’s, the Italian restaurant where Patton had taken them to on their first date. It was 6:15.

_6:20._

Where was Patton? He said he’d be here early to get them a table.

_6:25._

_6:27._

_6:28._

Logan scanned the parking lot, searching for his boyfriend’s blue truck.

_6:29._

He tapped a steady rhythm on the steering wheel. Maybe the construction was worse than they thought. It wasn’t unusual for Patton to be too idealistic when he made decisions.

_6:30._

_6:35._

Maybe he was already inside? Logan slipped out of his car and locked it, before heading into the fancy building.

_6:37._

The hostess smiled brightly at the teacher as he entered.

“Welcome to Nona’s! How many people are in your party?”

Logan returned the smile.

“Two. We have a reservation under Sanders?”

The woman nodded, and scanned her list of reservations for the name.

“Ah, here we are. Sanders, party of two. Your table is right this way!”

_6:40._

The hostess left Logan alone in the booth. Patton wasn’t there.

_6:45._

Patton should be here by now. Patton was never late to date night. Not without calling and apologizing, or at least a text explaining why.

_6:50._

Where was he?

_6:57._

Logan’s phone buzzed in his pocket, and he pulled it out to see a phone call from Patton. He breathed a sigh of relief and answered with a smile.

“Hello?”

_6:58._

“Is this Logan Berry?”

That’s not Patton’s voice.

“Yes, it is. Who are you? Where is Patton?”

“There’s been an accident, sir. You were listed as an emergency contact in Patton’s medical records.”

_6:59._

“Where is Patton? Tell me what’s going on!”

“He’s in the hospital. There was a car crash—“

“Which hospital?”

“St. Luke’s, on Topper Hill Road.”

“Thank you.”

Logan hung up and ran to his car.

_7:05._

The speedometer was pushing 90 miles per hour and kept climbing. The hospital was on the other side of town.

_7:30._

He pulled into the hospital parking lot and haphazardly threw his car into the nearest empty space, fumbling with his seatbelt and cursing the air blue.

_7:35._

“Where is Patton Sanders? I’m his boyfriend, I need to see him!”

The receptionist mumbled and pointed. Logan flew down that hallway, fear creeping into his heart. This was the trauma care wing.

_7:38._

Logan turned the corner and was met with the waiting area of the wing. He ran to the desk.

“Where is Patton Sanders?”

“He’s in surgery, sir. You’ll have to wait here.”

_7:45._

Logan was shaking.

_8:15._

How long was this going to take?

_8:30._

God, please don’t take him from me.

_8:47._

A doctor left the operating room, and dropped the blood stained gloves into a biohazard can.

_8:48._

Logan was crying now.

_8:50._

The doctor recorded the results of the surgery in his computer, a somber expression on his face. Now came the part he hated the most.

_8:54._

Logan shot to his feet when the double doors to the unit opened, revealing a tired looking man in scrubs.

“How is he? Can I see him? Please, I can’t wait any longer.”

_8:55._

“Are you Logan?”

“Yes, now tell me how Patton is!”

“Sir, please follow me.”

_8:57._

The doctor led Logan to a private room, and gestured for him to sit. The teacher did, wringing his hands. He just wanted to see his boyfriend.

_8:58._

The doctor sighed.

“I wish I could break this to you gently, but I’m afraid that’s not possible.”

“What— what are you saying? Where is Patton?”

Logan was shaking so much his glasses fell off and into his lap. He didn’t bother to return them to their rightful place.

“Logan—“

_8:59._

“We did everything we could to save him, but he’d lost too much blood.”

_“No.”_

“Patton passed away at 8:34pm.”

And at 9:00 o’clock on the dot, Logan’s heart shattered like glass. The doctor said a few words but the now sobbing man didn’t hear them. The door clicked shut behind the doctor, and Logan was left alone with his pain once more.


End file.
